There are a lot of good things about this essay. You describe the events of 9/11 very well. Your interview with your mother was good, but it would have been even better if you had some direct quotes, letting her tell her story in her own words.
Where you went wrong was in the economic analysis. You claimed that the economy was "destroyed" (which it wasn't) and you didn't offer up any statistics to back up your claim. That's what you need to do in a research paper: make a point and prove it.
There are a lot of good things about this essay. You describe the events of 9/11 very well. Your interview with your mother was good, but it would have been even better if you had some direct quotes, letting her tell her story in her own words.
ReplyDeleteWhere you went wrong was in the economic analysis. You claimed that the economy was "destroyed" (which it wasn't) and you didn't offer up any statistics to back up your claim. That's what you need to do in a research paper: make a point and prove it.
79/100